toddler

A TODDLER RESISTS NAPS

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NEW YORK TIMES COLUMN: FAMILIES TODAY:
A TODDLER RESISTS NAPS
By: T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua Sparrow, M.D.

Q. My 3-year-old son now resists a nap until late afternoon. Of course that affects his behavior. (We also have a 5-month-old baby boy, which is part of the problem.) If our 3-year-old eventually puts himself down for a nap in late afternoon, bedtime is a nightmare.

How hard should we try to get him to nap? I don’t think he is ready to drop it, based on his mood on days when he doesn’t get one.

A. Most children start dropping their afternoon nap after age 3. Ready or not, your son seems to be moving in that direction.

His new baby brother may be a reason to stay awake. Five-month-olds are much more exciting for young children than newborns. Everybody else is captivated by babies at this stage, too. Your son doesn’t want to miss out on anything – especially if his brother is in on it.

You’re right that a late afternoon nap postpones bedtime. Instead of a nap, might you set up an early afternoon “quiet time”? Don’t call it a nap. You might even avoid using the bed where he usually naps.

Set up a regular time and place for him to cuddle with you, and for you to read stories together. Or ask him to stay quietly in one spot – a mat or a few cushions – for 30 to 45 minutes. He may surprise you and fall asleep. If not, at least this quiet time may keep him from falling apart later.

Also consider moving his bedtime a half hour or so earlier. Think of this new schedule as a combination of nap and nighttime sleep. You may find that even if he goes to bed a little earlier, he wakes up in the morning at the same time as before.

On average, 3-year-olds need 10 or 11 hours of sleep each night and an hour’s nap. Children who don’t get enough rest in a 24-hour period often have trouble falling asleep, and their sleep is disrupted at night.

But even if you can’t get your son to nap, he may soon be able to get all the sleep he needs at night.

Responses to questions are not intended to constitute or to take the place of medical or psychiatric evaluation, diagnosis or treatment. If you have a question about your child’s health or well-being, consult your child’s health-care provider.

Dr. Brazelton, prior to his passing, was the founder and head of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center, which promotes and supports community initiatives that are collaborative, strength-based, prevention-focused sources of support for families raising children in our increasingly stressful world. Dr. Sparrow, a child psychiatrist, is currently the Director of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center. Learn more about the Center at www.touchpoints.org.

Reprinted with permission from the authors.

A TODDLER’S VERBAL CHALLENGES

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NEW YORK TIMES COLUMN: FAMILIES TODAY:
A TODDLER’S VERBAL CHALLENGES
By: T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua Sparrow, M.D.

Q. My son is 2-and-1/2. He speaks in sentences but his verbal exchanges are more descriptive than interactive – almost like a running commentary.

He also has problems “naming” things. He doesn’t seem to grasp the concept. He is sweet and affectionate. He plays well with his younger sister and often interacts with her: He scolds her, brings her toys, tells her what to do, and makes her laugh.

Should I worry?

A. Your child seems bright and engaging, which is reassuring. But those qualities might cause others to overlook the subtle differences you detect. It’s noteworthy when a child who speaks in sentences isn’t naming objects.

When children are learning to speak, they point to things to find out what to call them, to practice naming them or to share their excitement about the words they already know. As you describe it, your son’s approach to expressing himself doesn’t involve the back-and-forth that most children this age can manage.

Perhaps he truly engages in free-flowing conversation with his sister – or she is more tolerant of one-way communication than older children and adults.

Any parent with a lingering concern about a child deserves to have that concern addressed. Mention your observations to your pediatrician. Not every pediatrician, however, has the training to pick up subtle differences in language development. A careful evaluation by a speech and language therapist who is experienced in working with children can help you understand the significance, if any, of the differences you observe.

Some pediatricians might suggest you wait to see if your son will “grow out of it.” But if he needs help, starting early can make an enormous difference.

Responses to questions are not intended to constitute or to take the place of medical or psychiatric evaluation, diagnosis or treatment. If you have a question about your child’s health or well-being, consult your child’s health-care provider.

Dr. Brazelton, prior to his passing, was the founder and head of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center, which promotes and supports community initiatives that are collaborative, strength-based, prevention-focused sources of support for families raising children in our increasingly stressful world. Dr. Sparrow, a child psychiatrist, is currently the Director of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center. Learn more about the Center at www.touchpoints.org.

Reprinted with permission from the authors.

POTTY TRAINING AROUND THE CLOCK

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NEW YORK TIMES COLUMN:  FAMILIES TODAY:
POTTY TRAINING AROUND THE CLOCK
By: T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua Sparrow, M.D.

Q. Our 2-year-and-9-month-old son was potty-trained for daytime fairly easily at 2 and 1/2. At night he is still in a diaper, and he wakes up very wet. How do we help him to stay dry at night?

A. Your son is following the usual pattern for toilet training. Learning to use the potty during the day at 2 and 1/2 should reassure you. Use the same approach for nighttime: Keep things smooth and easy.

Staying dry at night often takes more time. Many children sleep so deeply at this age that they don’t sense when their bladders are full. As sleep cycles change, most children grow out of this problem. It is far too early to worry about enuresis, or persistent bedwetting. Most pediatricians won’t make such a diagnosis until a child is at least 5.

For children who have been dry at night for several months and then wet the bed, other causes should be considered – for example, a urinary tract infection.

The wait for nighttime dryness can be frustrating. Changing the sheets is no fun, and success seems so close once a child uses the potty during the day. Yet a parent’s overreaction may lead to resistance.

If you can avoid drawing attention to it, have your child limit his liquid intake after supper. Before he goes to bed, he can use the potty not once, but twice – in between, you two could read a story together. Then, let him bring his potty to his bed so he can learn to use it on his own when he wakes up at night. Decorate the potty with glow- in-the-dark stickers to help him find it.

Many parents have told me they have succeeded in night training by gently waking their child to use the toilet a few hours after lights out – usually just before the parents go to bed.

It’s important to keep things low-key. If your son wakes up wet in the morning, don’t make an issue of it. Just respond with an encouraging tone: “Don’t worry. When you’re ready, you’ll be able to stay dry at night.” And he will.

Responses to questions are not intended to constitute or to take the place of medical or psychiatric evaluation, diagnosis or treatment. If you have a question about your child’s health or well-being, consult your child’s health-care provider.

Dr. Brazelton, prior to his passing, was the founder and head of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center, which promotes and supports community initiatives that are collaborative, strength-based, prevention-focused sources of support for families raising children in our increasingly stressful world. Dr. Sparrow, a child psychiatrist, is currently the Director of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center. Learn more about the Center at www.touchpoints.org.