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HOW MUCH SHOULD TODDLERS SLEEP – AND NAP?

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NEW YORK TIMES COLUMN:  FAMILIES TODAY:
HOW MUCH SHOULD TODDLERS SLEEP — AND NAP?
By: T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua Sparrow, M.D.

Q. How much sleep does an 18-month-old really need? My son sleeps 10 hours at night (waking several times) and takes a 1 hour nap during the day – well below what the books (and common sense!) say he needs. However, he seems rested and energetic and is developing normally. What do you think?

A. What the books say about the amount of sleep children need at different ages is usually limited to averages. Individual children, though, may fall at one end of the range or the other. (The average at this age would be about 12 hours at night plus 1 to 3 hours of napping.) We think that your observations that he is rested, energetic and developing normally are reassuring.

However, you also mention that he wakes up several times at night. Does he just briefly rouse, never becoming fully awake, and quickly settle down to sleep? Or does he become fully awake, and if so for how long, and what does it take for him to get back to sleep?

Has this only begun to occur recently? If so, and if it rapidly resolves itself, it may mean that he is responding to some minor stress, or even to the stress of development – the temporary backslide in one area of development just as a new developmental skill is coming together – a touchpoint.

But if this has been going on for some time, or persists, then we would suggest that you bring this to the attention of your child’s pediatrician. There are a wide range of readily treatable causes of sleep disturbances that you wouldn’t want to miss. If the waking at night is a regular bother for you or for him, then it is a sleep problem worth addressing. (See our book “Sleep: The Brazelton Way,” DaCapo Press, 2003, for more information.)

Q. I have a 3-year-old son who is becoming terribly resistant to taking naps until late in the afternoon, which of course impacts on his behavior (and we have a 5-month-old baby boy in the family now as well, which is a part of this as well).

If he does eventually put himself down for a nap in the late afternoon, bedtime is a nightmare as well. How hard should we try to get him to take a nap? I really do not think he is ready to completely drop his nap, based on his mood on days he doesn’t get one. I just don’t know how much of an issue I should make it. Any advice would be much appreciated.

A. It does sound as if he may be beginning the transition away from the afternoon nap – not a struggle you want to fight, nor one you’re going to win. We’d bet that he wants to be up and around as much as possible so as not to miss out on all the fun his baby brother is having.

Why not put him down for a “rest” early enough to prevent the bedtime “nightmares?” If he sleeps, fine; but if he doesn’t, don’t bother with a nap too late to help. Instead, when he doesn’t nap in the afternoon, try moving up his bedtime a little earlier. Some children who aren’t getting enough sleep actually start sleeping less and less, or sleep less restfully. If he really isn’t ready to give up his afternoon nap, he may show you this by sleeping more at night – if given the opportunity. (Three-year-olds average about 11 hours of sleep each night and an hour’s nap each day, but the range varies from one child to another).

If you can break away from the 5-month-old briefly in the early afternoon, this could be your special time to cuddle and relax together with your older child. Maybe this will help with his moods. As you say, sharing you with his new brother is bound to affect his moods and his sleep.

Responses to questions are not intended to constitute or to take the place of medical or psychiatric evaluation, diagnosis or treatment. If you have a question about your child’s health or well-being, consult your child’s health-care provider.

Prior to his passing, Dr. Brazelton was the founder and head of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center, which promotes and supports community initiatives that are collaborative, strength-based, prevention-focused sources of support for families raising children in our increasingly stressful world. Dr. Sparrow, a child psychiatrist, is currently the Director of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center. Learn more about the Center at www.touchpoints.org.

Reprinted with permission from the authors.

TOYS EXTEND A CHILD’S DREAMS

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NEW YORK TIMES COLUMN: FAMILIES TODAY:
TOYS EXTEND A CHILD’S DREAMS
By: T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua Sparrow, M.D.

In our culture, toys play a major role in many children’s lives. In the first few months, a child is given a “lovey” to hold and to use for transitions such as when she’s going to sleep or feeling hurt or lonely.

The lovey – often a blanket, a piece of soft material or a beloved teddy bear – becomes an extension of herself and her caregiver.

With the lovey, she feels secure and ready to face transitions. Without it, she must rely on adults who can’t always be there, no matter how reliable they are.

From the time a child looks at or reaches for objects, some parents equip the crib with the latest toys for infants. “Learning” toys soon supplement cuddly ones.

Musical, speaking and reading toys reflect parents’ concerns about providing enough “brain stimulation” to enable toddlers to excel in competitive preschools.

Computer games have become part of many 3- and 4-year-olds’ lives. Children imitate their parents, manipulating handheld electronics, just like them. But watch a child’s face when a parent looks away to a smartphone at each intruding text message.

Such sophisticated toys can cause pressure rather than stimulate exploration and play. Parents who are away all day or are leading very busy lives may feel they need to satisfy a preschooler by offering constructive, educational replacements of themselves. Toys can become surrogates by filling the isolation in which many of us live. But toys don’t have to be used this way.

When a child chooses an object as a toy, it becomes part of her world. Toys extend a child’s dreams. A parent can attend seriously to a child’s choice of toys and observe how she plays with them.

If a parent can help choose a toy as a way to learn about the child and who she’s becoming, the process can become a form of communication. (Toy stores, too stimulating for most children at this age, are rarely set up to encourage such communication.)

For a toddler, pots and pans give her an opportunity to mimic kitchen chores. At 3, 4 and 5, simple dolls and toy soldiers help children live out fantasies.

The distorted anatomies of Barbie dolls and pumped-up action figures are intriguing to some children, as is the mysterious adult sexuality they evoke. But toys like these impose adult preoccupations on child’s play and don’t encourage a child’s self-discovery and self-expression.

Many children turn to safer toys, such as toy animals and puppets, when they play out the aggressive feelings that they need to test. Simpler toys leave room for a child to try out her own dreams and wishes, her own aggressive or sexual fantasies. Toys offer the child a link for play with a peer as well as an opportunity to learn about others.

A parent must ask: Does the toy elicit her own fantasies and imagination and allow her to spin them into dreams that sustain the play? Does it challenge her, while leading her to find her own solutions? How much room does the toy leave for her – or does it take over and make her give in to it?

Other considerations include:

  • Safety. Inspect toys for parts small enough to be inhaled or swallowed. A toy shouldn’t be breakable or easily taken apart. Toy safety is regulated, but not always enforced, so parents need to be careful.
  • Durability. Will the toys withstand the experimentation that is a necessary part of their future?
  • Noise. Can you stand the repetitious music or crooning speech that accompanies some toys?
  • Interest. Can the toy hold the child’s long-term attention, or will it be forgotten?
  • Appropriateness. One child may need a quiet, solitary toy that challenges her intellectually; another might prefer an activity-based toy.

(This article is adapted from “Touchpoints: Three to Six,” by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., and Joshua D. Sparrow, M.D., published by Da Capo Press, a member of The Perseus Books Group.)

Responses to questions are not intended to constitute or to take the place of medical or psychiatric evaluation, diagnosis or treatment. If you have a question about your child’s health or well-being, consult your child’s health-care provider.

Dr. Brazelton, prior to his passing, was the founder and head of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center, which promotes and supports community initiatives that are collaborative, strength-based, prevention-focused sources of support for families raising children in our increasingly stressful world. Dr. Sparrow, a child psychiatrist, is currently the Director of the Brazelton Touchpoints Center. Learn more about the Center at www.touchpoints.org.

Reprinted with permission from the authors.