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Maine Association for Infant Mental Health

3 days ago

Do you feel stuck in an endless discipline loop?! Using threats/yelling/timeouts only to find them repeating the SAME “bad” behavior immediately after??

So many of us use punishment-based discipline because a) it’s how WE were raised b) it SEEMS to work in the moment since it’s rooted in fear.

When a child, or even an adult, is afraid, they go into fight, flight or freeze mode: They stop in their tracks – freeze. Or kick and hit you on their way up to their punishment – fight.⁠ Or try to run away from you – flight.⁠
⁠
BUT, these tactics actually end up causing MORE unwanted behavior🤯⁠

We have a secret for you.🔑 We have a way to get your kids to listen the first time (okay, within the first 3 times, they are toddlers after all)⁠ WITHOUT fear based discipline. The key? Swiftly, calmly, CONFIDENTLY hold that boundary RIGHT AWAY, every.single.time.

Now, you’re probably avoiding the boundary bc you don’t want to DEAL with the tantrum that ensues.🌪️ BUT, when you hold the boundary calmly, confidently + IMMEDIATELY, your kid will learn that when you say “iPad is all done,” you mean it. Conversely? When you say “FINE! Just ONE more episode” to make the tantrum stop? Well, your kid just learned if he screams loud + hard enough, he gets more iPad.🤯

So, instead, swiftly, calmly and confidently SAY THIS:⁠

✨CLEAR BOUNDARY: “Do not move the iPad to the ground please.”

✨ACCEPT & ACKNOWLEDGE: “Hmmm, looks like you’re having a hard time not moving the iPad to the ground.”

✨OWN THE SITUATION: “I’m going to put the iPad away for now.” This is what we call a “related consequence” and it’s CRAZY EFFECTIVE for disciplining, aka teaching them to use objects safely + appropriately.

The consequence here is that after my very clear + calm warning, the behavior continued, and the result is that the iPad goes away for a bit. And you can add ✨”We will try again tomorrow. I know that tomorrow, you’ll be able to use the iPad without putting it on the floor!”✨
⁠
✨Struggling with tantrums, power struggles and disciplining in a way that both WORKS and protects your kid’s self esteem? Our course, Winning the Toddler Stage, is here to help! For people w/ kids ages 1-6. Link in bio!✨
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Maine Association for Infant Mental Health

2 weeks ago

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Contact Us

Maine Association for Infant Mental Health
592 Sawyer Road
Greene, ME 04236
207/375-8184
info@infantmentalhealth.org

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